Behavior in public places can be quite challenging. My boys love McDonald's. We try not to eat there too often. So, it is a special treat when we do. A few weeks ago I decided to take all three boys to McDonald's for lunch. Phil had to work, so it was some mommy and sons time. So I thought. I figured we would eat inside the restaurant vs. bringing it home. The more 'typical' things we do as a family, the more we feel like a 'typical' family. Well, Gavin has great difficulty waiting for things. Especially in public places. He doesn't understand the function of having to wait in line. The other thing we often struggle with is his repetitive behaviors and how routine he is. We have to go to the same McDonald's and sit at the same table, in the same seats. I guess that I should have figured out quickly when we walked through the door and noticed 'our' table was already taken that it was going to be a challenging trip. Gavin had great difficulty waiting in line. He was running around touching everything. I had to wait in line to order the food. William and Landon spent their time attempting to redirect their little brother to wait with mom. Gavin was attempting to run into the mens' room. William was attempting to redirect him out of the mens' room. The entire time Gavin was screaming at the top of his lungs. And there it was.....the stares! I could not only see them, I could feel them. People staring and whispering. I probably know what they were whispering..."What a brat! What is wrong with that kid! Shut that kid up!" I quickly ordered our food, and then took Gavin outside to attempt to redirect him. Which left William at the counter waiting for the food. I HATE the fact that William is only 10, however, he is wise beyond his years. I HATE the fact that he has grown up so much within the past two years because he has had to deal with having an autistic brother. I HATE the fact that Landon will usually tell me how he 'hates' autism. We then had to sit at a different table then we sat at the last few times we were there. Gavin didn't take this too well. Lots of screaming. Again, the stares. A family actually got up and moved. My wall then went up, and my shell became hard. I was waiting for someone to say something. I had my verbal come back ready and waiting. Nothing was said, just the stares! Once we got Gavin settled we managed to have a great time, eating, chatting, enjoying time together, and blocking the rest of the world out.
Gavin continues to make leaps and bounds in school. We are so blessed and grateful with all the wonderful staff that we have encountered thus far on our journey. He is fully potty trained! What an accomplishment. I never thought he would be potty trained by now. He was struggling with the whole bowel movement part (not to give you too much information). He was continuously 'pooping' his pants. UGH! And I was tired of cleaning it. I tried everything. His teacher, Lynne, created social stories for home. We continuously read them. I tried putting him on a potty schedule. I tried verbal reinforcement. I tired his favorite edible reinforcement (skittles). However, nothing was working. So, after looking right at me and then 'pooping' his pants for what felt like the hundredth time, I decided that he was going to take a shower. I put him in the shower and he hated it! I then made a visual picture and continuously reminded him that if he pooped his pants then he was going to take a shower. That was about three weeks ago, and he hasn't 'pooped' his pants since. Now I am wondering if he will be 16 and still taking baths. Did I shower traumatize him? We were still using diapers at night. However, this weekend I faded out the diapers. So far three nights of being dry! Proud of my boy.
I recently read an article about how difficult Halloween can be for kids on the spectrum. That they do not understand why they have to wear an uncomfortable costume. How we make them wear itchy costumes and say trick or treat to someone they have never met or seen before. We started preparing for Halloween about a month ago. I took out two hand me down costumes. One was Buzz Light Year, the other a Power Ranger. Gavin wanted no part of either one. Kept saying "No Buzz, no power nin ne!" A week before Halloween he finally chose Buzz. He was probably sick of hearing me ask and seeing the costumes everyday! With some encouragement, as well as a skittle reinforcement, Gavin allowed me to put the Buzz costume on him. He wore it trick or treating. We even got him to repeat the words "Trick or Treat" at a few houses. Yesterday morning I found him looking out the dining room window. He was stimming visually out of the corner of his eye. I attempted to redirect his stim. I then heard him say, "Trick or Treat!". It brought tears to my eyes, thinking he made a connection.
I have been thinking a lot lately. The same old question comes to mind. "WHY?" Why me? Why us? Why Gavin? I don't think I will ever have the answer to those questions. Instead I need to change the WHY to HOW. How can I continue to educate people about autism within the family? How can I help people understand how autism affects the entire family? How can I help other families with a newly diagnosed child? HOW, HOW, HOW??
I can start with appreciating the small things. Like when William and Landon chose to carve their jack o lanterns in honor of their little brother and the challenges he faces everyday. When Gavin runs up to me at the end of his school day and throws his arms around me. When the staff at my school say hello to Gavin and he is able to respond. It may not be with a hi, more with a bye. When I have a day when I don't question and instead live in the moment and enjoy all my boys.
Lastly, if you can remember one thing from reading this blog. Then let it be that the next time you see a mother or father struggling with their child's public behavior, please don't stare. Instead tell them what a great job they are doing as a parent. Each of us has our own journey to navigate through. A smile is worth a thousand words.
Until next time............keep smiling.
