I was hesitant to decorate for the holidays. I was dreading how the physical change in the house would affect Gavin. I can now say that he adjusted better than expected. He loved the Christmas tree and all the lights. He was the one turning the tree on each morning and evening. However, he also loved playing with any and all Christmas decorations. He broke quite a few decorations and ornaments. I realize now that I probably should have 'autism proofed' the house during the holiday season.
The weeks leading up to Christmas were up and down. We got on our autism roller coaster again. Some days were just down right difficult. The difficult days I refer to as the days of darkness. Days where Gavin struggled telling us what he needed or wanted. Days where he couldn't self regulate. Days where he would hit me, attempt to bite me, throw things, and scream. Then there were days that I refer to as our rainbow days. Days that Gavin was calm and was able to self regulate. Days that Gavin socialized with his brothers. Days that Gavin would say something that would make you smile. Days that he would grab a guitar, strum it, and sing Jingle Bells. I would remind myself to remember the rainbow days when we are having our days of darkness. In order to see the rainbow you need to go through the darkness.
Gavin continues to make great progress at school. We had an IEP meeting. His IEP will be amended, and, he will attend the regular Pre-K class for an hour per day. Basically, he will be with typically developing peers for an hour a day. Something I thought would never happen. Great news. His teacher, Lynne, and I have noticed a huge burst of language lately. When asked what he wanted for Christmas, he was able to tell us, trucks and dinosaurs. Gavin's new obsessions: trucks, Jurassic Park, and the Beatles. He loves the song, "Baby you can drive my car." He likes to have it on repeat play over and over again. He also loves to play it very loudly. I think it is his way of letting me know that he is the one in the driver's seat, not mama. The day before school vacation we had an all school assembly. The entire school was in the gym singing Christmas songs, and many parents were there also. After the songs, our principal, Mr. Stahl, announced over the microphone and in front of the entire school, the students who were nominated by their teachers for "We Try Our Best." The students who were nominated received a certificate. It is along the lines of student of the month. Once the students' names were called they had to walk across the gym and receive their certificate. I was ecstatic, surprised, amazed, and emotional when I heard, Mr. Stahl, say "Gavin Peters." All my students started cheering for Gavin. It was so difficult to hold back my tears. I had no idea that he had been nominated. Lynne prepared him so that he would walk across the gym and receive his certificate. Which he did without holding her hand. That was a rainbow day for us.
We tried to keep Christmas as low key as possible for Gavin. Christmas Eve consisted of our family ritual. Reading, The Night Before Christmas, and leaving cookies and milk for Santa and carrots for Rudolph. Gavin wanted to leave apples for Santa. He also wanted to leave Santa some boogies. As we were putting everything on a plate, I looked over and noticed Gavin picking his nose. Well, once you call attention to negative behavior you might as well as raise the white flag.
Gavin woke at 4 am Christmas morning. He didn't ask to open presents. He didn't ask if Santa had come. This is what he does often. Wakes and does not go back to sleep. I remember when we first got the autism diagnosis, a lot of people asked me if he slept. I then learned that many children on the autism spectrum have difficulty sleeping and have awful sleeping patterns. Gavin sleeps great some of the time, other times I am running on pure exhaustion from his out of sync sleeping pattern.
Both Gavin and I ended up with the stomach virus during the week. The virus for him lasted a couple of days. The worst part was that he couldn't tell me that he didn't feel good. I did notice the past couple of days that he is flapping and jumping a lot. I'm guessing it's due to his body fighting this awful virus. He becomes traumatized when he vomits. It is heartbreaking to watch. He usually yells, cries, and flaps. We have been trying to teach him that he needs to vomit in the toilet. I have spent days cleaning up vomit because he will be running around like he is fine one minute, then the next minute he is vomiting all over the place. Gavin woke around midnight this morning. He was yelling, "no! no!" in his sleep. My gut was telling me to get him to the bathroom. He began crying and flapping. The next thing I knew he was vomiting all over the bathroom. I called for Phil to come help. We managed to reassure him that he was ok, and hold his head over the toilet. After cleaning up the bathroom I glanced at the time. 12:10 am. It was a new year. Many people were out celebrating. Many were toasting with champagne. Many people were embracing their loved ones. I looked over at Phil and gave him a high five. A high five for helping me teach our boy to vomit in a toilet. A high five that we made it another year on this autism journey.
Before I fell back to sleep I thought of how this wasn't the path I would have chosen. I thought how I often see pictures of families on facebook and am jealous that all their children are typically developing children. I thought about how many families don't have to over plan holidays, don't have to worry about the fact of decorating their house for Christmas may throw 'off' their autistic child. I thought about my younger years before children. How I had my whole life planned out. I thought about champagne, new year's resolutions, celebrations, and midnight embraces. Then I thought about how much progress my boy has made. How much hard work has gone into his progress. I thought about boogies with milk and cookies. I may not have chosen this path, but there is a reason I was placed on it. I will never give up hope. I am slowly finding that key. This path has led me to bigger and greater things. It reminds me often that life isn't perfect. It reminds that you have to walk through the darkness in order to see the rainbow.
Enjoying the boogies with the milk and cookies,
Paula
