Good Morning Autism

Good Morning Autism,
     Today makes two years since you knocked on our door.  I knew of you, but didn't know you personally.  Never in a million years would I have thought that my family would get to know you closely.  You knew that we would have a close, personal relationship before I did.  When you entered my life, I stood at a distance and wished you away!  You attempted to embrace me.  I cried, and cursed you. I stood fearful and longing for you to leave all while you screamed for my attention.  I did not believe in you, I did not like you, I wish you never existed.  I cried myself to sleep each night, asking why, asking how, asking what do I do?!  You continued to attempt to embrace me.
     Each morning was a new attempt to like you.   Each morning brought a single step.  Each single step was a step taken on an autistic road, traveling an autistic journey.  Some mornings I did not want to take a step on this autistic road.  I wanted to step backwards instead of forward.  Some mornings I argued with you in my dreams.  In my dreams, I told you that I was the boss and not you!  In my dreams, we defeated you.  Most mornings I took a step further.  Some steps were baby steps, and some were giant steps.
     Autism, today is our two year anniversary.  Two years that I have traveled your road.  Two whole years since you knocked on our door, and attempted to embrace me.  Two years since you attempted to hold my hand and encourage me to take my first step.  Autism, this is what I first saw on your road when I took those first few baby steps.  I saw uncertainty.  Uncertainty as to what the future holds.  I saw questions and doubts.  I saw hesitation and tears.  I saw exhaustion and jealously.  I saw anger and denial.  I saw darkness.        
     Autism, thank you.  Thank you for being persistent with your embraces.  Thank you for your encouragement to take those first steps.  Each morning was another step on your road.  Each morning's step brought a new sunrise.  Each sunrise brought color.  Color that opened my eyes to your beautiful and mysterious world.  Your color of darkness began to change.  I have traveled on your road for two years.  The road continues to seem long and uncertain. It does contain potholes, bumps, and long hills to climb.  However, it is now a road of acceptance. It is bright and beautiful.  I now take more giant steps each morning rather than baby steps.  My family has met some loving, patient, kind, helpful people along your road.  Your road is filled with hope. There is determination.  There will always be questions along your road, some may never have an answer while others will.  
     Thank you, Autism.  Thank you for helping my two oldest sons, William and Landon, become better individuals.  Thank you for teaching my family patience, kindness, and unconditional love.  Thank you for letting us know that it is ok to be different.  Autism, thank you for helping me to spread awareness and understanding.  Thank you, Autism!  Thank you for giving me Gavin. Our beautiful, Gavin. Our Gavin, who woke this morning at 2 am singing Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed.  Our Gavin, who loves us unconditionally.  Our Gavin, who learns differently.  Our Gavin, who's smile lights up a room.  Some day we will find his key, until then we will love him, protect him, and give him the happiness that he brings to us.
     Good morning Autism, and happy anniversary.

Sincerely,
Paula
Mother on an autistic road