Faith, Hope, Love, and Inspiration

     I started a new blog entry a few weeks back.  I was slowly adding and saving updates about Gavin and our journey with autism.  Today, I went ahead and deleted that entry.  I have decided that this entry is going to be entirely different.  This entry will be written about what I do 365 days of the year.  No, I am not talking about being a mother of a special needs child.  I am writing about being a special needs teacher.
     I remember the day so clearly.  I was a senior in high school.  I was about to turn 18 years old.  I had to decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.  I remember the day I wrote it down, Special Education Teacher.  I closed my eyes and dreamed about teaching in a small town.  My dreams consisted of teaching students with learning disabilities.  Students that needed a little bit of extra support academically to help them absorb the curriculum.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever dream or think about teaching "those" kids.  "Those" kids being students with an emotional disability.  I remember graduating from college and being offered my first teaching job in a public school system.  I actually had two job offers on the table.  One being in a high school resource room, the other being a teacher of  "those" kids.  That job offer came 19 years ago.  19 years ago I chose to be a teacher of  "those" kids.  The kids who have an emotional disability.    "Those" kids are now considered "my" kids.
     Some of my kids have bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, fetal alcohol syndrome, oppositional defiant disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder, mood disorder, and post traumatic stress disorder.  Some of my kids have witnessed domestic violence and have experienced unspeakable trauma.  I have experienced manic episodes, physically aggressive cycles, and watched them relive trauma.  I have been spit at, kicked, punched, bruised, and bitten.  I have had my hair pulled and been beaten with a shoe.  I have had visits to the emergency room as well as multiple sessions of physical therapy due to injuries from some of my kids.  Some of my kids have verbally threatened to bring a knife to school and stab me.  Some of my kids have told me that they hate me and wanted to bring a gun to school to shoot me.  Some of my kids have threatened to take their own life. Some would say that some of my kids suffer from a form of mental illness.
What do I say?  I say that my kids struggle with making friends.  My kids struggle with expressing their anger and frustration.  I say that my kids are often misunderstood.  I say that my kids are great kids.  They are kids that need a teacher to believe in them.  They are kids that need a system that doesn't fail them.  They are kids that I will fight for.  They are kids that I will work overtime to get them to appropriately express their anger.  They are kids that are always on my mind.   They are my kids!
     I spent most of the day yesterday glued to the television.  Watching the news coverage about the unspeakable tragedy that happened in Newtown, CT.  I cried thinking of all those innocent children.  I cried hearing about the teachers and staff that died protecting their students.  I, like everyone else, wanted answers.  Why did this happen?  How could this happen?  Some people blame it on the gun laws.  Some people blame it on mental illness.  We are always looking to blame someone or something.  What happened in Newtown could happen anywhere.  We, as a society, need to change.  We need to believe in each child.  We need to help the system so that it doesn't fail our children.  We need to show kindness and love.  We need to work together to rid this world of violence.  We need to make this world a safe, loving, and accepting place.
     Tomorrow I will go to school.  I will greet each of my special kids with a smile.  Some will smile back, some will come in angry, some will not make eye contact, some will come in exhausted, some will greet me with a hug.  No matter how they look, no matter how they act, no matter what they say, no matter what they do, I will be thinking of four words.  Faith, hope, love, and inspiration.  I have faith in my students, I have hope for their future, I will show them love, and most of all they inspire me.  Inspire me to work harder for them, inspire me to believe in them, inspire me to fight harder for them. 19 years ago I welcomed "those" kids into my life. "Those" kids changed my life.  They are my teacher.

With faith, hope, love, and inspiration,

Paula Peters
Adjustment Teacher