I cried for three days when I found out I was pregnant. Not because I didn't want another child. I wanted this child as much as my other two. I just wasn't expecting it. My second pregnancy was extremely difficult and consisted of 10 weeks of bed rest. I was now 38 and considered a high risk pregnancy. Phil and I had moved on from our baby phase. Which meant we got rid of everything. So, we had to start over with our third. The first way we did this was by finding out the gender of our child. Was I disappointed when I found out I was having my third son? Not in the least. Ok, well, maybe a little. Would I trade him in for a girl? Hell, no. I can't imagine my life without any of my boys. We agreed to not have amniocentesis. So what if my son had down syndrome? Would it matter? No, it wouldn't. Would I love him any less? No, I wouldn't. Little did I know then that he would bring autism into our world. The next thing we did was choose a name. The only name we could agree upon was Marshall. So, Marshall Richard was going to be the name of our third son (so I thought).
June 29, 2008 at 3:00 a.m., my water broke while we were camping. I told the little guy to wait until we at least made it home. I was calm and relaxed. I finally decided to head to the hospital around noon. The doctor and nurses told me to expect him to be born within a few hours. My little guy had his own plan. He was going to make all of us wait, and that he did! I remember seeing his beautiful face for the first time. I looked into his eyes and told him that we needed to have a long talk. I then remember the doctor asking us what his name was. Phil replied, "Gavin." I quickly looked at Phil in shock. "Gavin, where did that come from? Well, I guess his name is Gavin."
My goal was to keep today as low key as possible. Gavin started at a new school this week with new staff. Which by the way, he did a fabulous job handling this transition. Thank you, Fay and Lisa, for already loving my boy. Gavin enjoyed a morning visit from his Godmother who came bearing his favorite donut and presents. We then celebrated as a family at his favorite restaurant. We topped it off with delicious bakery cupcakes. When it came time to sing and blow out his candle, he had a complete meltdown, which included screaming and biting himself.
I reminisced with the boys during lunch. We talked about what they loved to do and play with when they were five. William and Landon loved Power Rangers, Batman, Ben Ten, legos, and transformers. William and Landon loved blowing out candles and having happy birthday sung to them. Gavin loves things that most two - three year olds love; Blues Clues, Teletubbies, and the Wiggles. He has meltdowns over candles and the birthday song.
I realized with my third pregnancy that the good Lord had different plans for me. He planned three children for me and not two. I realize now that not only did he have different plans for me, he had a different life journey for me. A journey which includes autism. Would I want things to be different? Well, it depends. Would that mean taking away Gavin's autism? Hell, yes. But wait, taking away Gavin's autism would make him an entirely different person. Hell, no. No matter how difficult things can be, I wouldn't change him. I wouldn't be who I am today without my three boys. I wouldn't be who I am today without autism. Thank you, my sweet boy, Gavin. You have taught me more then once what the true meaning of life is. It's about unconditional love, acceptance, patience, kindness, and doing for others. Happy birthday, Gavin. You graced the world with your presence on June 29, 2008. The world is listening, you are helping to make a difference, you are changing the world.
All my love,
Mom
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